(Another one from Korea…and truly not meant to offend…)
I’ve been thinking a lot recently about the idea of respect and social hierarchy. Deferentialism is completely integrated in Korean society. It’s measured by how low you bow, where you work, the color of your traditional clothing…even what word ending you use! The entire Korean language is created to be deferential to whomever. I mean, the word ‘please’ doesn’t actually even exist in Korean because it’s all just built into the way you speak.
Part of me thinks it’s awesome. There’s something rather intriguing to me about a language where politeness is understood. But, at the same time, sometimes I wonder about the potential facade that it can create. If you are my elder, I’m going to speak to you in a certain way because you’re my elder. That’s it. Unless I’m going to be totally disrespectful and risk being shunned by everyone and their mother, I’m probably going to stick with that form of speech. But, what if you don’t really deserve it? I wonder what constitutes ‘undeserving of the polite form of speech’.
Along with that, much of Korea’s social interactions are based on Confucianist thought. Everyone knows their place and guys are…well, I don’t think anyone I know here would say that women don’t have equal rights as men. But…it’s interesting.
I took a class in college called ‘Ethics and Feminism’. This is the class where I was basically called an idiot for not realizing that Idgie and Ruth in Fried Green Tomatoes are lesbians…who knew? Seriously, did everyone? I just thought they were really close friends.
I’ve never been big on widespread labels. Labels generalize – something of which I’m even less a fan. I get that there are often reasons for the labels but I feel like the labels let people hide, excuses be made, and all around ridiculousness to reign. And yes, I realize that some are inescapable. But why is it that I have to be a girl first…everything else second? (Though, I do love being a girl.) Why do we accept them?
In the Ethics class, we all had to introduce ourselves and tell why we were taking the class. Well, I remember one of the early students loudly declaring that, “[She is] a Woman and believe[s] in Women’s Rights.” Many of the other students seconded and thirded and of course there were the ones who declared, “I am a Feminist.” They were all taking the course to broaden their understanding of self and what it means to be a Woman. And the few guys in the class spoke of supporting women’s rights by way of the class. I was one of the last to go. My introduction, which is seared in my brain (I even remember where I sat): “My name is Jessica. I am an individualist. I’m interested in the ethics part of this course.” (And yes, it felt like how I imagine a treatment group intro to be.)
Somehow, when I signed up, I totally didn’t think about the second half of the course title. And clearly, I was the only one.
This is the course where I got into an emotional debate over…what else…feminism and all those labels. I was often the only one with my particular viewpoint. It started as another broken record discussion on WASPy men and the position of women and the dream that one day the roles might be reveresed. I didn’t usually offer too much in these discussions; to be honest, I was pretty irritated that I had gotten myself into this mess. But I’d finally had enough.
If the roles were reversed, we would still be having the same conversation. Imagine back to the cavemen days. Let’s imagine that the women killed the mammoth and the men stayed at home and bore children. Throughout history, women provided and men nurtured. The exact same scenario would be present today with one small distinction: the pitch of the voices.
Now I’m certainly not advocating that we neglect this entire conversation and that women should shut up about inequality. Not at all. I think most of the gender based projections on women are despicable and brimming with ignorance. But, I do think that people sometimes get carried away with making sure everyone understands the similarities, and differences, between the two genders. Why don’t we just focus on the person?
I realize I might sound naive in this conversation but I really don’t understand it. I’ve had this thought before. Whenever aliens descend on our planet (or choose to make their presence known), I wonder if we’ll be shocked by their lack of apparent gender. Or their ability to be whatever gender their society needs. Or if they’ll just reproduce in some crazy fashion we cannot even comprehend and the distinction of gender won’t even be a recognizable concept to them.
It’s interesting being here. Don’t get me wrong – I love it here and I’m certainly not trying to paint Korea as a mysogynistic society. But, I am in a country where negotiating your gender often seems to be step number one. Whether good or bad. After the gender is ‘negotiated’ then the whole physical appearance comes in and you go from there. And then, next thing you know, your face is plastered across a billboard, your smile graces a metro stop in Seoul, and you discover that you’re the star of a seven minute promo video (that you never signed up to do).
Gracious.
Soundtrack: the clanging of the heater
Lessons from Icarus 
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